Fashion Trends That Baffle Me

Fashion, at least for me, is a tricky thing. A paradox, if you will. It raises more questions in my mind than a pop quiz. On the one hand, fashion sense is supposed to depend on the individual. Yet there are rules – both spoken and unspoken. At the same time though, some of those rules are okay to break, and some of them aren’t. Also, who the heck comes up with all these rules? Some committee? Are the fashion police real? If so, where are they? If not, can we like, get some started or something? It’s all very confusing.

Me, I get all of my fashion advice from a very reliable source.

Pictured-a very reliable source.

Even so, from time to time they too give me conflicting information. Are cardigans in or out? Does it really matter how you wrap your scarf? Is tweed only a fall fabric? Who’s to say.

Depending on who you ask, this man is either ahead of or severely behind the times.

I Say all this to make abundantly clear that I by no means consider myself an authority on fashion, nor should you consider me to be one. So if you wear anything on this List of Fashion Trends That Baffle Me, please, please don’t take it as an attack on your personal sensibilities. In fact, if there is a reason of any kind behind it, please, let me know in the comments section because I am genuinely curious.

Shorts With Long Socks

I’m from Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes and wearing sweaters with shorts, which is actually appropriate attire for the weather there, as any Minnesotan can probably attest to. When I relocated to Arizona, I was surprised by what seems to be the prevailing trend: wearing shorts with long socks.

Now, when I say long socks, I mean near the knees. I’ve seen socks so long that none of the leg was visible. I’ve seen someone wearing two pairs on each foot/leg. And it wasn’t an accident because the Nike swishes were perfectly aligned.

At first I thought that maybe there was some logic behind all this, so I asked around. There is none. That’s just what people do down here. Do I think it’s weird? Yes I do. But then again, I also see nothing wrong with pairing a hoodie with gym shorts so…perspective, I guess.


You can usually tell when someone is wearing a watch so that they can tell the time or if they’re doing it to flaunt a timepiece. Now while there’s nothing wrong with a nice watch, it is a little bit much when you spend a ridiculous amount of money on something you probably won’t even use because, cellphones.

If it’s diamond encrusted, you literally can’t use it at all.

Also, it seems to be a certain mindset among those who buy expensive watches. They want everyone to see it. Like, how many right-handed people wear a Rolex or whatever on their left hand? Probably none, because if you spend that much on something, you don’t want it tethered to the hand you only use to hold crap. You want that sucker where the masses can see it!

But it doesn’t have to be a Rolex (or whatever else). The popular thing among my peers seems to be these things here:

Almost as popular are the knockoff versions. I don’t understand the draw. Do they talk to you or something? Teleport? Freeze time like that one movie? Someone educate me.

Expensive Gym Shoes

This one I somewhat understand because I used to be a mild sneakerhead. My thing was these bad boys:

Circa 1982

These are Nike Air Force Ones, and they can be yours for about $90. I’m not sure why anymore, but I used to love these things. Like, I had multiple pairs of the same freaking shoe. Different colorways, sure, but the same shoes nonetheless.

But that’s nothing compared to Jordan’s. These can run near $200, easily. People riot because of these shoes. People get beat up and shot over these shoes.

Thing about it is, when you spend a lot of money on something, you naturally strive to take care of it. Shoes are, like, the second hardest thing you can wear and try to keep in good repair. The first is, of course, diapers. But seriously, shoes are the only part of your outfit that touches the ground. It’s dirty down there. Also, if you’re wearing shell toe shoes, you have to walk funny to keep them from creasing. This is sort of like buying a car and always going 10 miles an hour because you don’t want to wear out your tires.

Also, going back to the Jordan’s, they are technically basketball shoes, designed to help you play basketball. So, it’s actually like buying a surfboard and being afraid to let it touch the water.

Tight Jeans

Right off the bat, I’m not talking about skinny jeans. I get those. I wear those.

Pictured-not what I’m talking about.

I’m taking about pants of any fit that look like they’ve been surgically grafted to people’s legs. I see this on as many guys as I do gals. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it looks uncomfortable. If your pants restrict any sort of regular movement, maybe you don’t want to be wearing those pants? I don’t know.

This one I really don’t get because I know wearing them doesn’t make you feel better, at least physically. And they are a lot of work that just shouldn’t come with a pair of pants. It’s a small war getting them on in the first place, you’re constantly adjusting, and the only thing between you from a serious incident of indecent exposure is one dropped cellphone. Is it worth it? It must be, because I keep seeing this, everywhere I go.

Again I want to reiterate, I do not mean to offend anyone who may wear any of these things I listed here. I just don’t know the reasoning behind it. And hey, maybe there is none. Maybe people just wear what they want because they want to. But if there is any other reason, please, let me in on it. Because there is seriously something I’m missing.


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